This is something interesting I came across….

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

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Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only YOUR vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates:

Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon,
used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke,
drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
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DO NOT SCROLL DOWN.
Decide first. No peeking, then scroll down for the response.

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Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

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And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Ludwig van Beethoven, one of the great composers in the history of music.

Pretty interesting isn’t it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Keep reading…

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember:
Amateurs…built the Ark.
Professionals…built the Titanic.

And finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year…

Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?

It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress, the same group of people that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of the American citizens in line.

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Important Note: Listen to the song “Windowsill” by Arcade Fire.

As you all know, World War III is just around the corner. It’s tragic, but after several more world wars, there will be a flash of green light and the world will spontaneously combust leaving behind a little green globule (a small spherical mass, like a small drop of liquid) that will float away into the vast mysteries of the universe. Now, the question we should all be pondering over is how to best prepare for the inevitable series of events.

At present, we are experiencing a global war on terrorism. Unfortunately, due to the mishandling of the war, the west will no longer be seen as the protectors of the world, and with the unpopularity of the war, there will be growing social and religious extremism. Over the next few years, the war on terrorism will gradually lead us to another major showdown, World War III.

This conflict will arise due to political and social tensions between the dominant western powers (i.e. the US and major EU nations) and the rising countries of the east (i.e. China, Japan and India). Once the underlying tensions overflow, a crazy person will shoot an ostrich and the fight for global supremacy will begin.

The Beasts of the East vs. The Best of the West

Before you can prepare yourselves for this war, it is important to understand what may occur before, during and after the war. Most of what I am presenting in this LifeSavers Guide is 80% true, but you are warned to use my guide at your own risk. It’s a matter of life and death, and I do not wish to be held accountable for anyone’s unfortunate and sad demise.

Before the WWIII, there will be growing concerns for lack of oil, water and clean air. Small conflicts will arise around the world without any resolutions. Scientists will work incessantly to invent alternatives to oil, water and breathable oxygen. Some outrageous inventions will be created but nothing will prove to replace the originals. Eventually, the government will impose restrictions on everything, including breathing. Normal oxygen intake for any human being is around 12 to 20 breaths per minute, but governments around the world will set a limit of 10 to 12 breaths per minute. Consequently, worldwide strikes will erupt and people will hit the streets to complain to their respective politicians about rising oil prices, water shortages and not being able to breathe. Politicians will blame other rival countries (i.e. US blaming China & China blaming US) for the amounts of oil and water used by their mass producing corporations which create the high levels of pollution leading to greater global warming and less breathing. As a result, the growing international tensions and demand for energy solutions will lead to World War III.

Preparations for WWIII will begin as the Western team (major players being US and EU) will draft its soldiers from the weak South Americans and the poorer European nations, while the Eastern team (major players being China, Japan, India) will build an army from its billions of citizens in China and India. Now, you are wondering, “Yasser, what about the Middle East and Africa, whose side would they take, what would their role be in WWIII?” Answer: They will side with no team because the unfortunate certainty is that the Middle East and Africa is where the land warfare will take. Both teams, beasts of east and best of west, will discuss some ground rules for WWIII. One such rule will be that the less worthy lands of the Middle East and Africa should be used for this noble and just war because it would be financially detrimental if they were to fight on each other’s home soil. Therefore, after the military preparations, the troops will strategically position themselves in Arab and African lands, and both teams will wait for the other to make the first move. No nation would want to go down in history as having started a war.

I have conducted some intense research on all topics related to modern, nuclear and futuristic warfare, and after running various complex computer simulations, I have generated several predictions of how the WWIII will take place. The most believable and likely scenario of the war is the following:

After diplomatic discussions lead to no resolutions, the two teams, east and west, will exchange some heavy verbal jibes at each other. The highly trained and overly equipped western soldier will insult the east for its backward living ways and limited freedoms. The poor scrawny down-to-earth eastern soldier will insult the west for its money-wasting flamboyant ways. These insults may not be appropriate for each and every country but they will cover the general east and west regions. After several weeks of verbal taunting, the war will mistakenly set off after a guy called Archie Duke shoots an ostrich because he was hungry. The outrage for killing a poor old ostrich will lead to the Americans and the Chinese exchanging nuclear bombs. Millions of people will die – in Africa and in the Middle East.

It’s worth mentioning that according to my calculations, World War III will last approximately three minutes and forty-seven seconds, which will also include a ‘peace treaty’. There will be no clear winner – and the losers will be the millions who died – but both teams will claim mental strategic victory for diverting the attention of their respective citizens away from the daily problems of high oil prices, water shortages and lack of clean air. Naïve and simple people of this world will become preoccupied by the aftermath of the war, as they will try to recuperate mentally and physically. People living in the developed Western countries and the rising Eastern countries will continue on with life trying to build more prosperous societies whilst people living in African, Middle Eastern and South American countries will be left stranded, alone and without hope.

Some suggestions to prepare for WWIII:

1. Live in New Zealand. It’s a small, unimportant but peaceful country. They are placed away from the rest of the world and not as important as Australia, so the country is not prone to any violence or terroristic attacks.

2. For the four minutes of WWIII, get in a safe nuclear protective bunker, make sure you are warm and cozy, boil some chicken soup for the soul, clear your head from thoughts of war, poverty, famine, hunger, disease, and global warming…finally, put on your headphones and listen to the song “Windowsill” by Arcade Fire.

3. Keep a diary before, during, and after the war because your writings and personal reflections on the war will be significant towards history. Also, you will be helping out historians who will be grateful to you for giving them some work, something to analyze.

The upcoming war is a sad certainty. Even though there is so much love, peace, and harmony amongst the good people of Mother Earth, there are those elite evil individuals who will not allow the ordinary people to lead their simple blissful lives. Who knows how many people will survive the next world war, but once the bombing ends and people come out of their shelters, it is important for the survivors to regain hope and trust in humankind.

The reason why I listed “writing a diary” as a preparation for the war is because journals will remind people about love, peace and pancakes. Personally, I have kept a diary for several years because I believe somewhere down the line, after WWIII or WWIV, there will be a Vietnamese child sitting in Africa who will magically unearth my diary from the rich soils of Burkina Faso. He will read my diary and with every fascinating and stimulating entry about life he will conclude that “Yasser Puri was an okay guy, life was good back then and it’s all about the pancakes.” Eventually, my diary will become popular amongst the Vietnamese refugee children of Africa and they will use their one and only existing computer and printer to publish more copies of my diary. They will print my journal entries, compile them and publish them in an Anne Frank manner. The finished product will be “Yasser Puri: The Diary of an Okay Guy”, which will be translated into hundreds of languages and distributed all around the world. People will love my diary for all its deep reflections and warm emotions towards the human race. “Everyone has some good in them.” At the end of these international conflicts, my diary will once again unite the world! People will remember the good-old days of love, peace and pancakes.

This article has been brought to you by LifeSavers.

Onward and upward baby!

Baldrick: “The poor old ostrich died for nothing!”

Babies haven’t any hair;
Old men’s heads are just as bare;
Between the cradle and the grave
Lie a haircut and a shave.
–Samuel Hoffenstein.

This (old/new) Pakistani band Mauj have released several songs (i think six so far…Khush fehmi, Su, Khayaal, Mona, Dobara Awaaz Do, and Paheliyan) and i love all of them! They’re songs have been in the Pakistani music scene for sometime but still no official album. It seems like a few years ago when I first heard their single, Khush fehmi, and saw the Babar Sheikh video. Now they’ve released a new song, Paheliyan - it’s equally great and I can’t wait for them to produce and release a full Mauj album!

Mauj Official Site
Mauj MySpace site with songs

Download Paheliyan in WMA format, courtesy of Jumpy Underground Media

…it’s groovy rock…

Their newest video is Paheliyan, also directed by Babar Sheikh:

I found several short documentaries on YouTube that have been broadcast on BBC Urdu. I’m not sure if such documentaries or if these kinds of stories are presented in Pakistani TV channels.

This is the tenth short documentary in the Shehr Kahani series. It is about Balram, who supports his family by selling balloons and stamping mehndi tattoos on children. But he wishes he was born in a ‘rich’ family so that he could go to school.

Shot and Directed by Zulfiqar Memon and Afaq Khokhar from Interactive Resource Centre, Pakistan, and presented on BBC Urdu.

Film is in Urdu language.

Georgie Dubya Bush

This is an intense song. I saw Conor Oberts perform the song on Jay Leno. I was a little shocked that they allowed Oberts to sing this on television.

Watch it:

“Does he ever smell his own bullshit, when the President talks to God?”
“I doubt it….I doubt it…fil mishmish…fil mishmish.”

There’s a saying in Arabic, “fil mishmish,” which literally means “in the time of apricots,” and connotes something along the lines of “when pigs fly” or “wishful thinking”.

A very hot model talking with a very hot host in very very hot Pakistan.

Sharez Khan interviews Pakistan’s top male model, Yasser Puri, on the set of his latest photoshoot with Pakistan’s top female model, Iman Ali. Get an insight into the Pakistani modeling world as Mr. Puri shares details about his hobbies and some hot gossip!

Film is a mixture of Urdu & English languages.

Rest in peace.

Altman received an Honorary Oscar as a Lifetime Achievement Award in Feb 2006.

Get ready for a massive concussion of rock ‘n roll…DIG!

Courtney Taylor (Dandies) & Anton Newcombe (BJM)

One of the best documentaries…ever!

Ondi Timoner went on a seven-year odyssey as she travelled, filmed and experienced the friendship and rivalry of two promising underground bands from west coast USA. The adventures of The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre took Ms. Timoner across numerous cities in the US, Europe and Japan as both bands wrote and recorded several rocking albums, performed countless wild and unpredictable concerts and fought about everything!

It’s an absorbing movie filled with mayhem and chaos as the two bands bands try to make it big in their respective ways. Their intentions are to collaborate within the underground scene and revolutionize the music scene. However, the Dandies and the B.J.M. are polar opposites when it comes to handling the pressures of the industry, the upper management and the executives. The Dandies try to walk a tight rope by conforming to some industry standards and agree to certain demands made by executives but still try and retain artistic freedom and independence from mainstream music. And the B.J.M., well, they are just indifferent to everything and everybody.

My favorite parts of the movie are when the BJM work in various studios and create their albums. It’s fascinating to watch the process of creating music where various instrumental sounds, vocal sounds, electronically engineered sounds are recorded and placed one on top of the other. A music track is layered like an onion, and creating a soung is like un-peeling (or placing) the onion layers one by one. In the end, musicians produce a full, round and highly fragrant musical onion. The music created by the BJM are not just song tracks but a musical experience. This is especially true if the listener devotes their time, mind and soul by listening a full BJM album - the experience is heavenly.

The Dandies also produce some engrossing music, but lately, I feel they’ve lacked the rawness their earlier albums have. The latest two Dandies’ albums contain less rock and more electronic. I feel the songs lose organic feeling when one uses more electronically created sound.

Still, I am a fan of both bands but I prefer the music of BJM over the Dandies, especially after watching DIG!. The BJM are generating a growing following because of this documentary and personally speaking, I too joined the bandwagon after watching this movie.

The leader of BJM, Anton Newcombe, has denounced the movie for the way he has been portrayed and he feels the filmmaker has conveniently edited and showed chaos and destruction on the BJM side to create a more entertaining movie, whilst the Dandies are shown has having a happy-go-lucky time. Newcombe comes off as being a difficult, inconsiderate and an extremem person, but musically, he is a genius!

Although I can sympathize with Newcombe’s concerns about the movie, I thik that an impartial and non-judgmental viewer would see the movie as a way of discovering two great bands. Also, if you are a fan of the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Neil Young or Black Rebel Motorcycle Club then you should definitely listen to the Brian Jonestown Massacre. By the way, Anton Newcombe is a big fan of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan - the greatest Pakistani qawalli musician.

I know my entry is very biased towards the BJM but I just love this band so much. The Dandies are good too, but you gotta check out the B.J.M. !!!!! Their music is easily accessible and freely available on their official website, and Anton Newcombe explains his reasons, “The Beatles were for sale. I’m not for sale, I give it for free.” Click here to access their MUSIC site and download their music for free and listen away! They are one of my favorite bands and definitely good food for the ears.

This is a trailer of the documentary, DIG!:

Anton Newcombe quote: The artist is going to create a sound for his concise purpose, using a modular synthesizing apparatus… from Radio Shack.

The oh-so-funny television show “Family Guy” demonstrates the best way of doing well in the SATs or any other math-related exam. I think this is very funny and quite true.

The clip is featured in the episode: “Hell Comes to Quahog“.

A comedic medium-short film that parodies Pakistani religious talk shows.

Join Dr. Aalim as he talks about relationships, girlfriends, wives, and other such topics related to the female gender in regards to Islam. He is joined by special guests from Pakistan and the UAE.

Film in Urdu language.

A lovely little short film that parodies “the rich and the famous” of Pakistan.

An exclusive interview by Jimmy Fernandez with the richest man of the world in Pakistan, Mr. Ameer Mansha. Watch as he shares some juicy details about his wealth, health and stealth….if that makes sense (it’s all about rhyming).

Film in Urdu language.

Phew….i’ve put in two months of hard work at my internship.

I’ve clicked, typed and stared analytically at my computer screen every weekday from 10am to 5pm. Plus, I’ve even spent my lunch hours at my desk getting little bits of work done whilst eating my daily home-made lunch that consisted of a chicken sandwich, a banana and two biscuits. Sometimes I would reward myself by getting a can of Coca-Cola from our RingRing Company drinks machine - 50 cents please - enjoy the cool and refreshing taste of cola. hhhmmmm….I can confidently say that I was a “model intern”. An intern who was always available in assisting anyone, not for coffee deliveries or other such chores, but serious work.

The only downside of working all those hours is sitting on my rear-end and having limited physical movement. I would occassionally do some streches that are demonstrated in flights - strech the nech, back, arms, legs and other parts of your body whilst sitting in your seat. Still, it was inevitable that I would gain weight, especially since I’ve become lazy and wouldn’t make any effort to go for a workout. So, i’ve developed what I like to call a Podge, and my little podge is called Obadiah.

But I think it’s time i lost this little podge because i dislike the podge. I look at it everyday and i tell it: I HATE YOU!

I’ve been doing an intership/work experience stint for the past 2 months at The RingRing Company. My assignments were to carry out market research on various mobile technologies and write reports on current trends and future forecasts for the european and belgian mobile markets.

Rather than working nine-to-five, as an intern, i get to work from ten-to-five! That’s an extra five hours every week for my own blah! So in two months, i have accumulated 40 hours which i use for self-reflection and internal improvements of my spirit whilst being driven home.
Serenity now.

My two-month experience has taught me that there are a lot of companies out there that are looking for guidance, advisors, analysts reports etc. Such companies are willing pay several hundred dollars or even thousands for reports that an intern such as myself is writing. My guess is that most reports out in the market are written by interns or very low level employees with decent writing skills but ultimately the final name on the report would of a head of the department. This raises the report’s credibility.

I put in some serious clicking and scrolling to find all my analysis. I’m using my university research and writing skills - i.e. conduct initial research for existing sources, gather relevant sources and read them, and write my own thoughts and expert analysis on all I’ve read. It’s like taking 10 or 15 different sources and writing one big summary of everything I’ve read. One could say it’s all recycled information. But it is what mobile companies want. They need some assurance from “analysts” that new mobile projects will have a higher chance of working now more than ever.

Mobile Company: Do you think mobile internet applications will be successful in Europe?
Puri: Yes.
Mobile Company: Why would you think that? The mobile internet technology has been in the market for almost a decade and still the market is in its infancy stage - how can you say that European markets will succeed in mobile internet applications?
Puri: Because….I am an intern analyst!
Mobile Company: Thank you for your analysis. Here is your cheque for $1299.99.
Puri: You’re welcome.
Mobile Company: Ummm…..any specific applications we can invest in ???
Puri: Forget about what happened three years ago! NOW is the right time to invest in Mobile Gambling technology! More and more mobile users are willing to risk their life savings by gambling on their mobile phones - because with your mobile phone, you can gamble anytime, anywhere!
Mobile Company: This is great! Here’s a few more thousand for your *wink wink* insider tip. Let’s keep this hush-hush.
Puri: Of course. I have never in my life done anything just for the money.

I think the reports I have written for my company could be worth several thousand dollars, but I won’t be paid that much! I am an intern, so I’m quite happy to get a couple hundred and some free lunches. But my thoughts keep wandering towards the possibility that my company could make millions of dollars because of my reports! Wow…..my research could enable The RingRing Company and other mobile related companies to develop and construct new projects efficiently, employ additional workers, offer new and improved mobile services, and make life so much better for EVERYONE.

My fellow Belgians, you are all very welcome. I try me best.

Can anyone ever be trusted? I think not. All governments in the world have certain agendas to follow. They have a motif behind everything and they will do what is in their power to influence their citizens so that governments can do as they please.

War. What silliness. What a waste of time, money, resources, and most importantly life! because after a conflict is over, both parties have to make up and become “super best friends” again…or BFF’s.

I personally feel almost all the time that both sides to any conflict are to blame for whatever happens. “it takes two to tango.”

Most recently, in the “war” between Lebanon and Israel, there is no one side that is correct for whatever it has done up till now. Lebanon has the Khizbullah people sending rockets towards Israel, so in return Israel begins an all-out war by bombing the hell out of Lebanon - now, nothing remains in that country - and what I find fascinating is how international leaders just watch Lebanon get destroyed, and once it’s over, they’re offering aid and money for repairments.

The whole hooplah between india and pakistan is the stupidest “conflict”. Politicians from both sides will do whatever is necessary to create some kind of commotion and therefore get the support of their people to do what they please in the name of “war against an enemy”. This “conflict” is heading no where for both pakistan and india. At least india is still able to balance both foreign affairs and domestic affairs…this is most evident when one sees how the indian economy is growing exponentially along with China. Pakistan is also doing well, but it could be so much better…so much!

Both pakistani and indian politicians need this conflict to keep spending money on developing and acquiring bigger and better weapons, enlargening their armies and keeping top generals and government people happy. It’s sad.

Anyways, Pakistan Zindabad! Pakistan Zindabad! Pakistan Zindabad!

Check this out:

Today, 27th July 2006, Yahoo! News Headlines read the following (in exact order):

“Al-Qaida calls for holy war against Israel”
“Israel decides not to expand offensive”
“Rocket, mortar barrage kills 31 in Iraq”
“Embattled Mass. highways chief resigns”
“Exxon Mobil 2Q profit jumps 36 percent“

Interesting - it’s not a rare occurence these days that headlines of war and oil coincide together.

Little Georgie Dubya Bush says:
“America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world.”
“These oil prices are a wakeup call. We’re dependent on oil. We need to get off oil.”